Dear Daddy,
We were supposed to write stories about you but for some reason, I just didn’t know where to start. After reading Uncle Chinedu’s letter, I decided to write one too because I figured talking to you would be easy. It’s always been.
Our journey began when you were 35. I’m pretty sure I loved you instantly. You were the absolute coolest dad. You never beat me (ever) and you hardly even scolded me, which is crazy because I know I was very stubborn. You also bought me all my favorite dolls and my best clothes. Anyway, growing up, I always felt Chuboy was Mommy’s favorite (Ekene being her second) so I made it my personal mission to be your favorite child. It was a very conscious effort. Aunty Lovina still calls me “Daddy’s girlfriend” because of how attached I was to you. I always wanted to be the first to hug you when you got back from work, and I was very protective of you. I remember in Primary 2, one of my classmates had described you as “bald” and I got so angry and made sure to report the “culprit” to you immediately you got home that night. Because I mean, how could somebody call MY Daddy bald!? (For some reason, 6-year-old me took that as an insult). I vividly remember feeling SO confused when you didn’t react, but I just chalked it up to your usual calm disposition. I also remember one morning before school when Chuboy had taken a bath before me although I had said I was “baffing” first. I threw a huge fit, I cried and cried. Aunty Rose’s pleas were all in vain; I refused to get in the tub or get ready for school. Until you came in. You gave me a bath that morning and all was right in the world again. You ended up taking me to school yourself because Ekene and Chuboy had to leave me behind so they could get to school on time. I didn’t even care, I was just happy to be with my Daddy.
Despite my efforts to be your favorite, you treated us all the same- which really stressed me out but I mean, what could I do? I had to just take it like that lol. But that didn’t stop me from swelling with pride every time you told me I was the most like you when it came to keeping things well; I was literally extra careful with all my electronics (even till this day) just to impress you. The other day, I came across a long email I’d sent you in my 2nd year of college. I was apologizing for being out of touch because I had cracked my phone screen (three days after I bought the phone with YOUR money lol) and I didn’t want to tell you so you wouldn’t be mad at how irresponsible I’d been. As usual, I had been stressed over nothing - you weren’t mad at me at all! You just replied thanking me for my email and telling me to fix my phone so you could reach me.
While in college, I was always very excited every time you visited. I would “pick you up” from the airport AKA I would take the train to JFK and wait for you at Arrivals so we could take a cab together to New Jersey. As the big time celebrity you were, before we could even leave the airport, I would’ve received so many calls from your friends welcoming you. So naturally, getting your sim was our number one priority so we could both use our phones in peace. Next, you would offload all the things you brought for your many many friends, so I could arrange mailing them all over the US. My favorite part of those trips was just gisting and spending time with you (and of course, spending your money :) ) I would go to your room first thing every morning just to lie on your bed as you planned your day, because you were always up super early. I loved being your quasi travel agent, booking all your local flights and trains for you. When I started working, I started paying for some of those trips myself and every single time, I thought “I can’t wait to buy him strictly business/first class tickets.” That was a TOP goal for me, Daddy, because I know you liked your comfort. I really wanted to spoil you and Mommy; it was almost my sole motivation. Because honestly, you both deserve the world, and I hate that I never got the chance to give it to you.
Daddy, there’s so much I miss about you. I would give anything to have you call me and hang up on me without saying bye, in your usual fashion. I miss you frowning in pictures and saying, “Abiarom Lagos imu amu (I didn’t come to Lagos to smile), I came to Lagos to make money.” I miss you coming into our room to check on us every time we were home on holiday with your signature hand-on-waist stance. I miss knocking on your door and imposing myself as your roommate. I miss having my fork handy when you were eating so I could either eat with you or finish your leftovers. The last time I was home, there was this day I’d put my fork in your breakfast, and then later you had bought moimoi from somewhere, I put my fork there too. In the afternoon, you were now about to eat chicken or something and you asked me “I ga ta?” (Will you eat?) I don’t know why I burst into tears every time I remember this because it’s not even a sad memory at all. I guess I just miss you sooo much. I want to share your food with you. I want to snapchat you eating something I made and ask, “Daddy are you enjoying your food?” as you gruffly respond “Abeg go and bring me water.” I want to laugh and laugh at your many stories till my stomach hurts. And I miss you dragging me of course! I remember when I got sick in Christmas 2019 after all my gallivanting, and you said to me, “Oh, i jerozi Ghana? (Oh, you didn’t go to Ghana?) Since you’ve already been to all the nightclubs in Lagos”
Daddy, this letter can go on and on. I remember in 2018, when I told you I was dating someone and he wanted to meet you. Although you were never a scary parent, I was just sooo nervous because I had never disclosed such information. But then, we all went to dinner and I was so happy that you liked him (of course I interrogated you for feedback the next day). And then, in 2019, when you came to visit me in LA, out of nowhere, you asked me, “So this Gozie, are you going to marry him?”. My awkward self was drowning inside of course, so I timidly said, “I think so?” and you said “ok” and carried on with whatever you were doing like we hadn’t just had a major conversation! I remember when we spoke after Gozie asked for your blessing to propose, and you said “Gozie said he wants to marry you”, I said “ok what did you say?” and you said “Eh… I told him no problem.” And that was it. The funny part was I knew that was EXACTLY how the conversation would go. I’m so glad he got your blessing and that he got to meet you, but it breaks my heart every single day, Daddy, that you (and Mommy) won’t be at our wedding.
Oh Daddy, I miss you so much. I miss you telling me how proud of me you are, and how I “ain’t seen nothing yet!” I miss you marveling at the most unremarkable things I did like keeping up to date with Afrobeats releases or navigating the NY subway. I miss you calling me “Chommy baby!” with the biggest smile on your face, or exclaiming “Chioma Chuks-Okeke!” when I said/did something daring. I can’t stop crying as I write this because you were really my favorite person in the world and I feel like you left me so suddenly, so randomly. I was so far away from you. I didn’t get to hug you and hold your hand. I didn’t get to beg you to hold on for me, for us. Nothing anyone says is helping, but the closest thing to comfort is knowing I had the best Dad EVER. My handsome Daddy the Daddy, always so fresh and clean; the funniest man in the world; my favorite gist partner. I know there must be Heaven because it is absolutely impossible for us to be separated forever. Not on my watch. Love you forever, Daddy <3
- Your Ochaka
